this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
