I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
