I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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