this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
