i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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