If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
