My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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