Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
vagina is talking i cant
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
