You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
