i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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