oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
one might say we're banned from that church
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
