The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
