he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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