my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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