Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize