We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
