dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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