I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
All the doctor said was why
Randomize