Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
