Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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