then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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