dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
