; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
