Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize