Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Randomize
