He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
FUCK WHALES
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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