is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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