I think I am morally bankrupt
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
