you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
