thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
