hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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