I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
