Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
