Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
