I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Randomize
