There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
home. puking in laundry basket.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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