I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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