somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
