why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
