You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I want her autograph on my taint
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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