you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
