This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
