I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
