I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
