So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
