I am midnight drunk by noon
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
