I hate your face
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
