: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
