Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
