I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Randomize