Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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