So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
