Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
