how can u be prego again
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
