a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
