I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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