Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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