Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
