I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
