Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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