So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
