I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
