Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
