No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
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