this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize