i need an iv and a liver transplant
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
